Gaining Favor with a Friend
Identify your friend’s interests and choose gifts that align with them. Suitable items include mathematics books, optical instruments, microscopes, sundials, various mirrors, and other curiosities, as well as treatises on the secrets of nature, such as those written by Mizauld.
Speak with him often, consult him, and ask for his advice, then follow it. But never lay yourself so bare that if he becomes your enemy, he can use it against you.
Do not ask him for favors that would be difficult to grant, especially those involving property or money.
Congratulate him briefly but elegantly on special occasions such as feast days, birthdays, and when he recovers from illness.
Praise his virtues sparingly, but consistently ignore his vices.
Share your travels with him and tell him about the praises others have spoken of him, confidentially sharing details with him, especially things said by his superiors.
Never reveal his faults or vices, no matter how much he may ask. If he insists and you are afraid of appearing untrustworthy, mention only the mildest faults or those he has openly acknowledged himself. For such things leave a bitter memory, no matter how they are said, especially if there is too much truth in them.
Have mutual acquaintances convey your greetings frequently, and send your own regards in letters.
Never defend an opinion contrary to your friend’s. If you have dared to voice a differing opinion, allow your friend to persuade you. Show that you have been swayed and conceal your disagreement.
Be liberal in giving him titles and eagerly offer services you will never need to fulfill.
Do not seek to please anyone by indulging their vices or engaging in behavior that conflicts with your status. For example, if you are a clergyman, avoid excessive jesting, vulgar humor, heavy drinking, and other inappropriate behaviors. While these may win affection in the moment, they will eventually lead to contempt, ridicule, or even fierce hatred, though it may not arise immediately. Therefore, even if at times it may be expedient to act in a less than virtuous manner, do so without engaging in outright vice.
When you arrive somewhere new, first identify those who are favored by the master of the place and those who have influence through their faction and eloquence. Win their favor by any means, so that you can use their advice and influence in promoting your interests. These people will take some of the responsibility upon themselves when they give counsel.
If you wish to take revenge on someone, make that person appear suspicious to your friend and turn your friend’s envy to your cause.
Never commit any crime at your master’s behest, for even if you win his gratitude in the moment, he will thereafter view you as a critic, able to do to your master what you readily undertook at his command, a man whose faith and virtue are for sale. At the very least, distance yourself from the reward for the deed as soon as it is done.
Write letters praising a third party, then deliberately allow them to be lost or intercepted so that they reach the third party you are praising.
Many people assume that what pleases them will also please others, and they act accordingly. Instead, you should prudently explore the other person’s preferences and dislikes, tailoring your actions to what pleases them.
Address even your inferiors as brothers and preempt them with honors, provided they are of good character.
Never provide pleasing things to the point of satiety, lest you induce nausea. Leave them wanting more, whether in games, conversation, etc.
Never borrow from a friend. If he cannot grant what you ask, it will offend him, and he will hate you. If he reluctantly agrees or receives back less than the full amount, he will resent it.
Never buy from a friend, for if he sells dearly, you will be harmed; if cheaply, he will be.
Treat even his lowliest servants well, otherwise they will gradually turn your friend’s mind against you.
At banquets, foster loyalty with servants by entrusting them with fabricated secrets, even some related to their duties, and show that you hold them in a special position.
If you are too familiar with servants, they will hold you in contempt. If you are angry with them, they will hate you. However, if you treat them with a calm, dignified manner, they will revere you.
With free men, show benevolence, love, and courtesy. Do not allow them to stoop to humble services or extreme gestures of submission, such as kissing feet. However, consider the greedy to be on the same level as slaves in terms of their disposition.
If you seek the favor of the people, promise to promote their interests, especially those that benefit individuals, for they are moved more by these than by honor.
If invited to dine with inferiors, accept, find no fault in anything, surpass them all in civility while preserving your dignity, and at least be liberal in your words. Take care not to take or appropriate anything of theirs against their will.
Frequently show compassion, console, and bestow favors in stages.
Despise nothing, but rather praise.
If you must contradict, do not accuse them of imprudence or ignorance, but rather, having praised their reasoning and good intentions, point out the disadvantages and costs that would follow.
Always show yourself a champion of the people’s freedoms.
Observe the friend whose favor you wish to gain - is he given to arms or to learning, to clemency or to ferocity?
Rarely act as an intercessor, for whatever is done for others on your account is taken from you, and your favor will not remain intact. Keep the ruler wholly for yourself.
Reveal no one’s secrets to another, for you will then be of little worth to him.
If he commands you to commit a crime, delay, and think of a way to excuse yourself. Feign illness, stolen horses, etc.
First win over the servants of one whose friendship you seek, even bribing them with gold if necessary; they will draw over their master as well.
However far you advance in his favor, treat it no differently than if you were still seeking it through a thousand kindnesses: for favor, once acquired, wishes to be maintained so as not to be lost; indeed, it requires to be nourished by attentions.
ff67685 @ 2024-05-18